Friday, July 13, 2012

Hot Dog! A New Banking Idea

Wimbledon is Wimble-done. Baseball's All Star break is broken. Woody Allen is dumping Paris for Rome for this summer's fling. Penn State is morphing into the State Pen.

And, yet another bank managed by bespoke morons, HSBC this time, has been slammed: for laundering money for a series of baddies and might have to pay $1Billion fine (ho-hum). And...wait for it...another commodity futures trading company has "misplaced" $200Million of customer money, while its founder lived like the King of Cedar Rapids (can this really be done?), and regulators are shocked, shocked, shocked.

Welcome to the heart of summer, where the weather is hot, the economy is not, and we'd like to get the "folks" in charge into a boiling lobster pot.

Fenwick, CT By 2nd Tee
We could use a nice summer shade photo right about now, couldn't we?

Meanwhile, our minds are riveted by the exciting debate between the candidates for...hold on...we haven't even gotten to the conventions yet! Holy Inaugural! We still have a full sixteen weeks to go. How will we stand all the excitement? Will we get a rational explanation of how the Affordable Care Act resulted in a 40% increase in premiums in just two years for those suckers who actually have insurance?

Where is Herman Cain when we need him? You're right, better not to ask.

Summer. One of my banks, Chase, has raised the possibility that I might partake of their VIP suite at the London Olympics. I responded by reminding them that their London office recently won the Gold Medal in bad hedge bets, losing perhaps as much as $6Billion! VIP Suite? Are you kidding me! Close it down and concentrate on banking basics, like addition, subtraction, and multiplication.

Manursing, DG & Mom '62
These are the same dweebs who are offering me, as a wonderful client, to perhaps be eligible for free tickets to US Open tennis. Free? Yes, to anyone opening an account with a minimum $25,000 balance. That kind of free. Can someone please put these people out of their misery?

Do they really think anyone with 25 Large burning a hole in their linen pocket would pay that to sit in the nosebleed customer seats in Ashe Stadium, while Chase's own execs and families party in the company suite...paid for by customers' and taxpayers' dimes?

Good time for beach photo.

Where is Willie Sutton when we need him? Old Willie, the best-est bank robber of his era, who succeeded up the bank robber ladder without even getting an MBA. When asked why he robbed banks, he surmised, "Cause that's where the money is."

Yes, Willie, but it begs the question: why is it still there?

Need a loan with that dog?
I'm beginning to think that, if we can choose from among dozens of cuisines at food trucks in towns and cities all around the country, why can't we have truck-banking? I'd just as soon trust my money to Dave of Dave's Dogs, parked across the street from the JP Morgan building in Greenwich (conveniently true). Dave sticks to business, making a delightful & honest "Perfect Dog*." Dave's idea of a derivative is getting sauerkraut from cabbage.

Truck-banking: an idea whose time has come?

Or, maybe I just need to sit in the shade for a while.

* The Perfect Dog: Sauerkraut, chopped onions, relish, mustard.

1 comment:

clectcar said...

Yes sauerkraut is a "derivative" of cabbage- Very clever .