Saturday, December 10, 2011

Santa's Secret List Exposed!

 Santa, the original global-mobile app,
Wakes from his analog winter’s nap,
And taking up pen and real paper too,
Composes his List, just like me and you.

A DVD of It’s A Wonderful Life for Angela Merkel.

A half-dozen pair Tiffany sterling-silver handcuffs for MF Global & “Friends.”

Talbot’s Gift Card for Lady Gaga.

Coal for the ones who thought up Black Friday, Greek Bonds, and offshore call-centers.

Six ounces of pure-gold for the inventor of EZ Pass.

A Kim Kardashian avatar for every NBA player.

A vintage toy-Edsel for the founders of Groupon.

Coal for the ones who scheduled a World Series game in November, hyped Irene everywhere except where she actually caused devastation, and turned the Sports page into the Police Blotter.

A Che Guevera poster for Warren Buffet.

A biography of W.C. Fields for the Republican candidates.

435 original oil paintings of Shanghai’s Pudong district for members of Congress.

Coal for the ones who went into fracking after they closed their subprime mortgage agencies; turned Williamsburg, Brooklyn into the Museum of Temporary Art; and would not let the Texas Rangers register just one more strike.

One copy of the Autobiography of Andrew Cuomo for Governor Cuomo.

100 copies of the Cliff Notes version of Gibbon’s A History Of The Decline And Fall Of the Roman Empire for the US Senate.

Another mirror, with step-stool, for Mayor Mike.

Giants' Victory Parade
Coal for the ones who take with both hands and hire no one; who love and adore Steve Jobs now that he’s gone, but wouldn’t let the Steve Jobs-es of this world within ten miles of their own HQ’s; who created the 15 month long presidential campaign to enrich themselves and put everyone else to sleep.

A facelift from Bruce Jenner’s surgeon for the Red Sox, a new owner from Earth for the Dodgers, the World’s Dumbest Billionaire to help the Mets, and Tony Bennett singing I Left My You Know What You Know Where, while winding his way down Lombard Street in the 2012 Series victory parade.

*A new Rye bridge by that old restaurant, a happy 100th to Manursing Island Club, a clue about the Most Secret Playland Plan In The History Of The World, a contract renewal for the parking meters that never work.

Peter Drucker's Principles of Management for the guys at BlackBerry’s RIM, a copy of How To Win Friends And Influence People for Netflix’s CEO, a photo of Mao Swimming the Yangtse for Zuckerberg at Facebook.

*a) Several years ago, a flash-flood, resulting from a fierce storm knocked out a small bridge in Rye, NY; so far, all the king's horses and all the king's men have not been able to budge the Army Corps of Engineers to build diddly, b) Disclosure: the author is Chair of this fine club's Centennial Committee, c) Rye Playland & Beach are well known to generations of New Yorkers; the County administration called for proposals to develop this red-ink operation months ago, and nobody is talking, which is never good news, d) Rye's parking meters seldom work, the enforcement is nearly non-existent, so motorists are happy with the status quo of not paying.

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