Monday, December 5, 2011

Catalogue Madness!

This has already been an unusual autumn in the Northeast, with a pre-Halloweeen snowfall, an Indian Summer running all the way through Thanksgiving. Now December's here and I saw people playing tennis outdoors yesterday on Long Island (I swear) and today we are covered in a London or, perhaps more appropriately, since it's 60'F a San Francisco-type fog.

Is it any wonder that along with all the regular Christmas/Holiday catalogues, we've been getting some very peculiar ones? Here's just a sampling of what's new and odd:

Potty Barn: Yup. We also thought this was a printer's mistake; however, just one look inside will tell you it's a whole new idea. We never knew that there were so many ways to do you know, and these "vessels" come in so many colors. And, yes, this covers in-house and great-grandma's old standby, outhouse. Since this is a family blog, sort of, we will spare you the details here. Make sure you see the special "green" section, if you dare.

LL Been: Ever wonder what happens to the generations worth of really old stuff in the attic and cellar ordered from the original LL Bean catalogue? We're talking somewhat used, very used, and still in the box. Curious about what people do with all those fuzzy slippers, flannel-lined bikinis, and ice-tennis racquet sets bought when they visited little Miranda or Boscoe at camps near Freeport ME? Wonder no more; someone collected it all and is selling it back to us. Only in America.

J.Crudite': Now you can get at your raw veggies in ways you never thought possible. Want them in the shape of a fish, horse, sheep, triangles, circles, Newt Gingrich's profile? Get them here. Ever thought you'd be tempted to try turnip ceviche? Well, turnips are the new black as far as raw veg is concerned. You won't have to cut up your own anymore; just order from these guys. Did someone say dip? Oh yeah, this is the Big Dipper of dip emporia: hummus from all those places you needed a zillion shots and 3-page visas to visit. By Mail!

Lucky Genes: Well, not exactly lucky. These clever guys are talking about choosing "your" child's gene pool and being able to have your him/her/it bypass those nasty pre-K Mandarin or cello lessons. They claim to eliminate all the guessing about your child's talents, tendencies, and, the one you really care about, earning power. They mention Einstein, Jobs, Marilyn Monroe, one recent and one possible President (libel laws prevent us from naming them). Choose famous genes from the Arts, Politics, Business, Hedge-funders. Gives a whole new meaning to "Get Lucky."

Irene's Basement: While Greece, Italy, Portugal, etc. go down the tubes, Americans are busy making lemonade from lemons, People. The East Coast storm of the century (so far) rumbled up the coast with winds so strong and rains so wet that the 4,000 Weather Channel reporters on camera had to actually put up their hoods or get their hair mussed! Whatever this storm washed away, someone claimed it, dried it (mostly), and branded it. Now you can re-re-claim it at great prices.

Victor's Secret: We can only say that this would have been much better kept secret, especially since our mail now gets left out by the curb.

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