Saturday, October 18, 2014

The Secret Adult Common Core Test Questions, Revealed!

Walter's Hot Dogs

Introduction of a national Common Core Math and ELA curriculum in grades 3-8, accompanied by standardized testing to gauge proficiency in it, has met strong resistance from many parents, students, teachers, and politicians. Some criticize the “nationalization” of curriculum, while others claim the states and feds did a poor job of planning, funding, and training which resulted in low test scores. Consequently, New York State decided that it might help parents of students and other adults to better understand the Common Core experience if they were able to take their very own comprehensive standardized test.

Below, is an exclusive look at some of the questions on that test.

1. The foundation of U.S. law and democracy is a document called:

             a) The Bourne Memorandum
             b)  Elvis’ Greatest Hits
             c) The Constitution
             d) Title IX

2. “Hamlet” could best be described as a reference to:

       a)  a village along the north fork of eastern Long Island
             b) a meal made with eggs in a pan, especially popular in France
             c) one of William Shakespeare’s most celebrated plays
             d)  a slice of bacon

3. Property taxes on Family Y’s new home in Village X will be $73,000 and 68% of that total is for school taxes, while the pre-transportation cost per student in Village X’s schools is $19,000. How many bedrooms could the Ys have before their taxes needed to be raised?

       a) 1.7
       b) 17
 c)   3, as long as they didn’t have bunk beds
 d)   Infinity

4. Two parallel lines form in the middle school lunchroom. One line, the organic veggie station is very short; the other line, named  “Pizza,” is very, very long. What is the formula for making those lines equal to one another?

             a) Make chef Thomas Keller the new Principal
             b) Serve only kale, broccoli, cauliflower and tofu mozzarella on pizza
             c)  Have the School Board institute a special “pizza tax”
             d) Move the school closer to “Walter’s Hot Dogs”*

5. Rising senior Dramatics star, Melinda, has already been recruited to Harvard, where she will play varsity Shakespeare, Tennessee Williams, and Brecht. Since Harvard offers no Dramatics – or even athletic – scholarships, how much can Melinda earn while acting before she is disqualified from playing varsity?

a)    Zippitty Doo – Dah
b)   000000000…klahoma!
c)   Enough to buy 6 monthly Red Line passes
d)  “A Streetcar Named Nada”

6) The name of the first man on the moon was:

             a) Andy Kaufman
             b)  Louis Armstrong
             c) Michael Stipe
             d) The Man on the Moon
             e)  None of the above

7) Why is Albany the capital of New York?

             a) That’s where the money is
             b) That’s where the money was
             c)  The governor said so
             d)  Furs are making a huge comeback in China
             e)   “A” is the first letter of the alphabet

8) A synonym for or meaning of the word “testy: is:

            a) a feeling one gets after scoring lower on a test than their children did
            b) a African fly whose bite causes sleeping disease
            c)  Something to do with cricket or crickets
            d) Mood after finding that what you don’t know fills a bigger bucket than what you do know  

9) Why does February usually have only 28 days?

        a) so there’s one less snow day
        b) something to do with the Man on the Moon
        c) Because the Romans couldn’t count and had to use letters like V, I, and X. So dumb.
        d) How else could it get to 29 days in leap year?
        e) Too hard, we need much more preparation

10) Name Russia’s most important export in world markets:

        a)   Polish vodka
        b) Bank hacking services
        c)   Borscht belts
        d) Maria Sharapova
        e) Educational testing services

*Walter's is strategically located across the street from a public high school in Mamaroneck, NY. It is widely considered to serve the finest hot dogs in the universe.

1 comment:

Mimi said...

Tom, you have hit a jackpot with this one. It is hysterical. Cannot stop laughing. Mary Sykes