Sunday, October 20, 2013
Pledge of Allegiance: Revised Washington D.C. Text
I pledge allegiance to the flag...
– unless I get a better deal from the other guy.
– as long as it's not made in China.
– so long as I get my own way.
– if it was made in my own state with 100% organic cotton.
– the one pinned in my own lapel, not necessarily the one in yours.
Of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands...
– until it does something I don't particularly like.
– as long as my accountant say I won't owe any taxes.
– up to the point where my money people don't get upset.
– but not if it costs me votes back home.
– as long as it doesn't interfere with my plans for the weekend.
One nation, under God, indivisible...
– and not some hand-holdin' kinda God either; one who drives a big rig.
– if by "indivisible" you mean "except by 50 totally sovereign individual states, especially mine."
– or a God who worries about the size of my PAC balance.
– unless we say it ain't.
– until they call the Redskins by any other name!
With liberty and justice for all...
– it depends on your definition of "all."
– as long as the Supreme Court doesn't get to decide.
– unless the NSA, Google, or Facebook need the information.
– providing you've got some identification.
– with a little more of each set aside just for you know who (wink, wink).