Sunday, October 20, 2013

Pledge of Allegiance: Revised Washington D.C. Text


I pledge allegiance to the flag...

– unless I get a better deal from the other guy.

– as long as it's not made in China.

– so long as I get my own way.

– if it was made in my own state with 100% organic cotton.

– the one pinned in my own lapel, not necessarily the one in yours.

Of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands...

– until it does something I don't particularly like.

– as long as my accountant say I won't owe any taxes.

– up to the point where my money people don't get upset.

– but not if it costs me votes back home.

– as long as it doesn't interfere with my plans for the weekend.

One nation, under God, indivisible...

– and not some hand-holdin' kinda God either; one who drives a big rig.

– if by "indivisible" you mean "except by 50 totally sovereign individual states, especially mine."

– or a God who worries about the size of my PAC balance.

– unless we say it ain't.

– until they call the Redskins by any other name!

With liberty and justice for all...

– it depends on your definition of "all."

– as long as the Supreme Court doesn't get to decide.

– unless the NSA, Google, or Facebook need the information.

– providing you've got some identification.

– with a little more of each set aside just for you know who (wink, wink).

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